writer, sex educator, witch
writer, sex educator, witch
I'm a seasoned sex educator and health promotion professional with a focus in reproductive justice and youth empowerment. With over seven years of experience in developing health education programming, working in erotic retail, and putting condoms on bananas, I don't just talk about sex—I know about it.
My mission is to support everyone—regardless of gender, orientation, libido, relationship style, kink/fetish, or sexual experience—in living their best and healthiest sexual lives. No question is too stupid, and no fantasy is too bizarre. All you have to do is ask.
In addition to my work as an educator, I have experience as a freelance writer, an editorial consultant, a sex shop employee, a workshop facilitator, a public speaker, and more. I'm a practicing witch and professional tarot reader currently living in New York City with my cat, Princess Walter.
If you'd like to support me, my work, and/or my cat, click one of the buttons below.
All means all: no matter someone's age, sexual orientation, libido, gender identity, kink, fetish, fantasy, relationship structure, sexual experience, race/ethnicity, class, history of trauma, physical ability, genital configuration, mental/emotional health, or cultural attitudes towards sex, all people have a right to access the information they need to make decisions about their sexual health and pleasure, and to access this information in spaces that are safe, accessible, and comfortable.
Our sex lives are not separate from our "real" lives, and finding our happiest, healthiest sex lives is a crucial part of maintaining our overall well-being. Whether someone wants lots of kinky sex or no sex at all, being able to effectively identify and safely pursue our desires is a fundamental part of living an integrated life. Being in touch with our sexual selves can help us identify and avoid sexual coercion, take control of our reproductive health, and experience new heights of pleasure.
Much existing sexuality education is fear-based and pain-avoidant. We often teach reproductive health from the perspective of NOT getting STIs, and teach consent from the perspective of NOT violating consent/having one's consent violated. I believe that sexuality education should come first and foremost from the pursuit of pleasure, whether that means talking about pleasurable safer sex practices, experiencing non-sexual pleasure and intimacy, pursuing pleasure post-gender transition, or the power of consent to facilitate pleasurable sexual exploration.
Porn star Gia Paige says Netflix’s ‘Hot Girls Wanted’ put her in danger @ Daily Dot
Meet Miss Vera: The gender coach who’s helped hundreds discover their true identities @ Daily Dot
My magical week at a massive bikini-clad festival for queer women of color @ Fusion
This smart and sexy pop-up shop is every feminist’s dream come true @ Fusion
The nightmare of watching Netflix while battling PTSD @ Fusion
Should every man do Kegels? @ Fusion
High School Is Too Late to Start Teaching Consent to Kids@ Rewire
Interracial Dating Horror Stories: When Racist White Men Date Women of Color @ XOJane
There’s a whole world of luxury vegan condoms out there for when you get tired of regular rubbers @ Fusion
This #BlackLivesMatter pole-dance protest is beautiful @ Fusion
Black people can't get depression and other mental health myths @ The Tempest
Here’s why we need to talk about handjobs @ Fusion
Planning an educational event, employee training, or social gathering? With nearly eight years of experience developing and facilitating award-winning health education workshops for teens and adults, I’m happy to tailor my expertise to your specific needs. I specialize in delivering medically accurate information on taboo topics in an engaging, friendly, and conversational way. All of my interactive workshops are taught from an intersectional, queer-inclusive, sex-positive, harm reduction framework, and can be adapted for ages 12+. I am currently offering the following workshops:
- Creating, Maintaining, and Repairing Safe Spaces
"Safe space" is more than a buzzword - it's an active state that must be created, maintained, and repaired. This class will address each step of creating guidelines, maintaining boundaries, and repairing safe spaces after they have been challenged. Best suited for: Facilitators and educators, including youth/peer educators and social justice activists
- Queer/Trans-Inclusive Language 101
An overview of vocabulary related to gender and sexual identity, as well as inclusive language practices. By the end of this workshop participants will be able to describe themselves and address others in appropriate, inclusive terms. Best suited for: teens and adults, especially in school/office communities, nonprofits, or retail/customer service environments
- Talking the Talk
Practical guidelines for comprehensive, age-appropriate conversations about sexuality for ages 9-16. Topics covered include puberty, sexual decision-making, consent, healthy relationships, and STI/pregnancy prevention. Best suited for: parents, family members of teens, educators, and childcare providers
- How to Give a Better Handjob
As described in my piece for Fusion, "Here's why we need to talk about handjobs," this workshop challenges the myth that "penises aren't complicated" by delving into penile anatomy, non-genital stimulation, and tips and tricks for exploring sensuality. Best suited for: Adults who have penises/prostates or have sex with people with penises/prostates
- Asking for a Friend
This casual, conversational workshop is a sex ed 101 and anonymous Q&A using the Asking for a Friend text advice line. The first part of the workshop will focus on a specific topic related to sexual health or pleasure, with the remainder of the session devoted to anonymous audience Q&A. Best suited for: Teens and young adults, especially in social gatherings
- Custom workshops
I offer customized workshops related to reproductive justice, sexual health, and/or witchcraft. Example topics include: sexually transmitted infection (STI) and pregnancy risk, management, and prevention; facilitation skills for educators, facilitators, and peer leaders; witchcraft and/or sex magic as radical self-care; sexual technique (i.e. oral sex, handjobs, pelvic floor health, kink) and toys; communication and healthy relationships for teens and adults.
I offer reduced rates for select nonprofit and educational organizations. I also offer one-on-one Q&As and consultations via text message through Asking For A Friend. I do not offer sexual services and I am not a licensed medical or health care provider.
Ozy Magazine, "Spells for the Modern Day Sorceress"
Garden Collage, "Haylin Belay on Practicing Witchcraft in NYC"
Blue & White Magazine, "Campus Character: Haylin Belay"
Sex. Right. Now., "Ladies of Sex Tech" [trailer]
Juicy Bits, "Sexpert Haylin Belay"
Flash Forward, "How Is Babby (Not) Made"
Biology of the Blog, "Haylin Belay"
The Daily Show, "Sexual Racism: When Preferences Become Discrimination"