For a while now, I’ve been navigating some personal struggles that I’ve been unsure how or if to disclose. (I’m still figuring out, exactly, how to talk about it.) But recently, the nature of these struggles has changed in a way that is forcing me to be more open about them.

Last week, I had to reschedule multiple clients, explaining that I was dealing with a ‘family emergency’. On Thursday, one of these rescheduled clients opened our session by asking how I was handling my emergency. I waved off the question, still unsure of what details I wanted to share, and asked what had brought them back to me now after their last reading a few years back.

“I’m moving, like physically moving to a new place, against my will and on short notice, and I’m really scared. I know it’s what I have to do, but I feel like I just barely started to find stability and community, and now I have to start completely from scratch. My anxiety keeps sending me back to my plans and ‘erasing the whiteboard’ to map everything out again, even though the facts haven’t changed. I’m so overwhelmed by all the practical problems that need solving, all the things I don’t have control over, all the things I’m grieving, that I’m leaving behind. I see this really difficult path ahead of me, and I’m terrified that I’m not strong enough to weather the storm. I just want to know if I’m going to be okay.”

Those aren’t the exact words they used; our situations aren’t exactly the same. But I heard in their voice a mirror reflecting my own life, once again - this time, before cards were even pulled - the Tarot made a convert of me.

—

I’ve been reading Tarot for myself and others for over a decade - easily thousands of cumulative hours - and yet, every time I come to the cards, I am convinced all over again: Magic is real.

Most of the people reading this can relate to this feeling. “Put a finger down if you’re an overeducated, mostly-secular skeptic with religious trauma and an aversion to ‘magical thinking’ who, nevertheless, is constantly plagued with signs and symbols that simply cannot be ignored.”